


Bittersweet

by bluecoffeemugs



Series: A collection of kisses [2]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Adult Dipper Pines, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, BillDip, Crying, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Human Bill Cipher, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, M/M, Protective Bill Cipher, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?, my hands slipped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25632379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluecoffeemugs/pseuds/bluecoffeemugs
Summary: Dipper remembers well that it was then, that he fell in love with the smile that looked back at him, switching from being an embarrassed smile to a proud grin in less than half a second.“Bill?” Dipper said in between laughs, making the other look at him, “you're an idiot.”The blond beamed. Apparently, being an idiot was a compliment to him. It had always been. If Dipper said it, then Bill adored being an idiot.Now, that very same smile Dipper remembers is looking at him. In the present.Hold on, was it a smile? He can't see clearly. Bill's saying something, Dipper thinks, but he doesn't quite understand.___________Just a waring: thereisa high level of angst in this work. Read it to discover what kissing prompt inspired me.
Relationships: Bill Cipher & Dipper Pines, Bill Cipher/Dipper Pines
Series: A collection of kisses [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1457659
Comments: 16
Kudos: 77





	Bittersweet

Dipper remembers the first time Bill made him laugh. 

It was back when they had just begun to get along. See, the boys had not always been as close as they were now. No, their relationship had always been somewhat… _tricky_. Huh. Dipper can’t remember right now what had made them enemies when they were younger, that's odd. Well, it doesn't matter anymore, because they have each other now. 

Hell, that was too cheesy, even by Dipper's standards. Guess hanging around Mabel for twenty-seven years does affect you in some way. But in any case, Dipper's right. He never thought the man in front of him would ever make him so happy. 

Anyway, back to the memory. Dipper had been feeling down, he doesn't remember exactly why, but he knows he was not being himself. And even if Bill and he had just started to talk to each other something else than just insults, Bill knew something was wrong. And so, he proceeded to try to cheer Dipper up. Of course, his superiority complex and immense pride didn't agree with this idea, so Bill tried his best without making it obvious that he was concerned for Dipper. Which just made it a whole lot more obvious.

“You look way paler than usual, Pine Tree,” the blond had told him in a mocking tone, trying to dissimulate the obvious worry. And naturally, he called Dipper by the nickname he hated the most back in the day, as it was another bad memory of his clumsiness; he had tripped over a pine tree's branch during another walk in the woods with Bill. You could say he had gotten a little… distracted.

Dipper didn't respond, which made Bill worry more. No insult? No argument? No sarcastic _thanks, I've been taking milk baths, does it show?_

So they just kept walking through the forest in silence while Bill thought about other ways to annoy Dipper just enough to speak again and _maybe_ cheer up a little.

Dipper doesn't exactly remember each of Bill's infinite tries to make him talk, But he does remember when Bill muttered under his breath, sighing and giving up, “I don’t know why I'm even bothering. What even is this? Telepathy?” 

Then he furrowed his eyebrows as if he knew he had messed something up, but he didn't know what.

Dipper had caught what he said and was also confused about Bill's statement. Then the blond groaned, “Wait, shit no, you _stupid_ ,” he told himself in disbelief, “That’s _empathy_.”

Dipper immediately snorted, for the most stupid and irrelevant thing, he laughed harder than he had in months.

Bill's eyes widened, not expecting Dipper had heard his conversation with himself, much less expecting him to laugh so loudly about it. The blond felt embarrassed at first but then owned it like a champ. He had made Dipper react. Hell, even smile and laugh! Bill 1 - Dipper 0

And Dipper remembers well that it was then, that he fell in love with the smile that looked back at him, switching from being an embarrassed smile to a proud grin in less than half a second.

“Bill?” Dipper said in between laughs, making the other look at him, “you're an _idiot_.”

The blond beamed. Apparently, being an idiot was a compliment to him. It had always been. If Dipper said it, then Bill adored being an idiot.

Now, that very same smile Dipper remembers is looking at him. In the present. 

Hold on, was it a smile? He can't see clearly. 

Bill's saying something, Dipper thinks, but he doesn't quite understand.

He doesn't think that's too important right now. If it were, he would be able to hear Bill, right?

Wait, he _can_ hear him.

“I still don't get why we had to come back from the party this early,” Bill had told him.

“Because you're a _jerk_ , Bill” Dipper had replied, clearly pissed off. 

It had been dark outside that night, Dipper remembers. They were currently being illuminated by a single lamp beside the couch. It was Bill's old apartment before they moved in together. The blond was laying back on the couch, hands behind his head, and his usual smirk on his lips. Dipper, on the other hand, was standing indignant and angry, staring down at the other.

“And you love it,” the blond said without hesitation. Dipper's annoyance was music to his ears.

They had gone to a party that night. Dipper had obviously been forced to attend, but after a fair amount of deals and arguments, he gave in. At least Bill was going to pay for his gas for a whole month, _plus_ do the dishes. One party? How bad could it go?

Very bad, apparently. Worse than Dipper thought.

“You selfish _asshole_ ,” Dipper breathed out exasperated, but more than a little flustered. “You adore to make me jealous, don't you?”

As always, girls and guys hung around Bill at the party. Most of them didn't even know what personal space meant. But ever since Bill and Dipper started dating — which had been publicly announced, to Dipper's surprise — Bill had tried to always remind everyone that he was in a relationship, _no, Jessica, this is not an "open" relationship._ Basically, people kept hanging _really_ close to Bill, but Bill never paid them as much attention as he paid Pine Tree. Not a single girl or guy could catch his eyes, no matter how much they attempted to lure him. 

Until tonight.

“You were jealous?” Bill asked, acting oblivious with his eyebrows raised, as if it weren't obvious. He just loved to make Dipper get all flustered and frustrated, and having him admit he did get jealous was not an every-day thing.

“Shut up!” Dipper exclaimed. “I hate it when you do that, you know? You think you're all godly and irresistible—“

“Am I not?”

“— That was not the point, jackass!” The brunet raised his voice a little louder, earning a crackle from the other. “You were making me jealous on purpose, and don't even try to deny it!”

Dipper knew it had been on purpose. He knew Bill had taken it as if it were a game, a new way to taunt him. Because if Bill wanted to cheat on Dipper, he wouldn't have invited him to the party. He wouldn't have looked at him, smiling mischievously, then turned away to talk to that girl that had been watching him all night. He wouldn't have laughed so loudly at the horrible joke that other boy made, obviously trying to hit on him. He wouldn't have—

“I'm not gonna deny that.”

Dipper's eyes widened at the sudden statement. He had been sure Bill was going to deny it forever, but there he was. Admitting it. 

Dipper was suddenly at a loss of words.

“You look cute when you're jealous,” continued Bill, interrupting Dipper's racing thoughts once more, “I don't get to see that often.”

“That doesn't give you the right to make me jealous on purpose, dickhead,” Dipper stated, clearly redder than before. Bill chuckled.

“Guess you're right,” the blond replied, standing up from his seat to stand before Dipper, “I was just starting to worry you could not feel jealousy!” He finished with fake concern filling his voice.

“No, you weren’t,” Dipper cut right through his act, “you were just wondering what it would take for me to be jealous.”

Bill shook his head in a _well, maybe, maybe not_ , sort of way. Then, he took a step closer to Dipper. The brunet immediately took a step back.

“Come on, are you actually angry with me?” Bill asked, sighing.

“You don't get to toy with my feelings, and then expect me to kiss you right after!”

“I know you're not angry, Pine Tree,” Bill said, with a gentle voice. Trying to conceal his accelerating worry and want to apologize, “come on, you can't actually _be_ mad.”

“Why not?” Dipper asked, crossing his arms.

“Easy question,” Bill replied without hesitation, “there are two reasons, actually.”

Dipper waited silently for the other to continue.

“Number one, you’re _always_ mad at me,” Bill said, smiling slightly. Dipper couldn't help but smile a little in return, but he hid it right after it appeared in his lips, “I can tell that right now you're mad, but not _mad_ mad.”

“And reason number two,” Bill continued, taking a slow step forward and looking from Dipper's eyes to his lips, "if you were _mad_ , you wouldn't have been staring at my lips that way the whole night.”

And with that, the gap between the two disappeared. Dipper remembers how much he had been waiting to feel Bill's lips that night, and he remembers giving in to every single touch eagerly.

Dipper's memory shifted. The hungry kisses faded. 

“ _Pine Tree,_ ” Bill's voice echoed, “ _Pine Tree, please—“_

“Pine Tree, please just leave me alone,” the blond had told him.

“You know you can't get rid of me, Bill,” Dipper replied.

It had been a cloudy day, even the sky was unhappy. The couple had been together for seven months now. This day, Dipper had sensed there was something wrong with Bill, but no matter what he did or said to make the other speak about what was bothering him, Bill never gave in.

“Let me help,” Dipper offered, sitting beside Bill on the bed. They were currently staring at the window in Bill's bedroom. The blond had tried to hide from Dipper all day, but he knew sooner or later he would have to let him in.

“You can't help,” Bill spoke, for the first time in hours. He had only been slightly nodding, not even looking at Dipper when he talked.

“Of course I—“

“You don't understand," Bill cut him off bitterly. But he said it with such hurt in his voice that Dipper wasn't sure if he was hurting because he was re-opening a wound, or because he didn't want Dipper to know. He didn't want Dipper to be disappointed.

“Then help me understand,” Dipper said with a gentle voice, grabbing Bill's hand and intertwining their fingers together. Bill inhaled sharply, surprised by the brunet's caring touch.

“You'll never want to see me again,” Bill muttered under his breath, “you'll want to forget me.”

“Bill Cipher,” Dipper said sincerely, earning the other to look at him in the eyes for the first time that day, “there is nothing you can do to ever make me want to forget you.”

Bill's look softened. Dipper could have sworn his eyes looked glassy, but he doesn't remember Bill ever crying. Then, the blond pulled him into an embrace, and Dipper doesn't remember feeling a hug so honest and desperate to feel close to someone else's heart.

That had been the day when Bill told Dipper what he did for a living. He had been doing it since a very young age, that's actually how he got the money for his apartment, his meals, and the entirety of his high school and college.

Bill's mom had left his dad when Bill was very little. She left them because she found out about her husband's work. He was working for a mob and was absurdly proud of it. He never told Bill's mom because he feared she would leave, she was kindhearted and loving. So her finding out would be the end of the family. And it was.

For an odd reason, which Bill doesn't remember but still resents, his mother didn't take him with her. He blames his dad for it because he's pretty sure his dad would've sent a bunch of hitmen to target his mom if she ever took their baby. So she left him there. Alone, at a dangerous and toxic household.

While Bill grew up, he started to get to know about his dad's job. Hell, his dad even took him to some of the meetings, as if it were "bring your son to work day", telling Bill how someday he'd get to work there and be just as amazing as himself. Bill never liked the idea too much, the place seemed gloomy and scary when he was little, but it was all he knew. Naturally, he began to work there.

His father's co-workers and bosses loved Bill, ever since he was young. They found that the blond had a talent of persuasion and manipulation, and he could look menacing just as he did kind. It was mostly an act at first, but after many years of behaving in such a way, it started to become his personality. Which was even better for the job.

At age thirteen, Bill was already an expert in persuasion, and all the bad and scary he thought the job had, vanished. He started to feel proud of his "work" too; happy even. He mostly did it to make his father proud, of course. But his father always told him he _expected more_. 

Bill's hunger to do better at being bad got worse and worse. He just wanted to prove his worth, to the other mobsters, and his dad. And he did become excellent at it.

It wasn't until one day, Bill came home to find his father dead on the living room's carpet, and another man lounging on the couch as if it were the most normal sight. Bill had recognized him, it was his father's boss. The man smiled coldly at the terrified blond and told him his father had seen it coming. He said that this had been his father's last warning, and Bill's first. He now knew what happened if he ever crossed him, or if he were ever to owe him money. He told him not to ever test him, because it would be a shame to have to execute such a good worker like him.

Bill had been _fifteen_ years old.

The words burned in his mind. Ever since that moment, he wanted to run away. But he now knew better. Apparently, the closer he was to the enemy, the better.

As the years passed his work got more defined. He was sort of a hitman, but he specialized in delivering just the first or second warning. His boss realized that if Bill was the one to threaten and warn whoever needed the threat, there was rarely anyone who didn't give in and obey. Bill hadn't ever killed anyone before, although he could count more than a few close calls.

It was too late for him to escape, and he just had to live with that. He had learned to endure the shitty treatment, and the guilt slowly stopped overflowing as he got used to it. But he knew the risks if anyone got close to him, that's mostly why he never let down his guard; he swore to himself to keep anyone as far away from him as he could. Out of the way, where he wouldn't be able to ever hurt or disappoint them.

And maybe _he_ couldn't leave, but he knew it wasn't too late for Dipper yet.

“You should leave,” Bill said, looking away, “it's for your own good. It's better if you just forget me.”

Forget Bill, just like his mother did. Just like he wanted to forget himself and his dad and his terrible mistakes. Just like he wanted to forget about how many lives he put in danger every day.

“I already told you, idiot,” Dipper said, a reassuring smile forming in the corners of his lips, “you can't get rid of me.”

Dipper doesn't exactly remember what happened next. He remembers a feeling of relief and gratefulness, mixed with regret and worry. It had been quite bittersweet.

Bitter and sweet. Most of Dipper's memories were either one or the other, but that last memory had been both. However, that day, he had felt the sweetness much more. There had been so many sweet moments with Bill.

Dipper remembers the first time he told Bill he loved him. 

Dipper had always thought that Bill was going to make that first move. He believes Bill thought so too. Dipper had always been an over-thinker, he had thought about telling Bill he loved him a thousand times, but he never did. Either because he thought Bill would back away, or because he just wanted to convince himself it was not the right time.

However, there was this moment that Dipper just knew it was the right time, and so, he said it.

“I love you,” he had blurted out. They were watching the sunset, on the roof of an abandoned building. This actually happened before Bill told Dipper about his job, but Dipper had meant it then, and he still meant it every time he said it.

Bill had taken Dipper there because he told him how much peace and joy it gave him to just sit there, alone, and watch the sun go down. He said that Dipper being there just made it a whole lot more worthwhile.

After a few seconds of being silent while watching the sun, Bill muttered absentmindedly under his breath “I don't think the sunset will ever make me as happy again if you're not with me to watch it”, thinking that his voice was almost inaudible.

That's when Dipper spoke. He finally said those three words that had been stuck in his mind for more than a little while.

Bill's eyes widened and stared at Dipper blankly.

Dipper almost regretted saying it. Shit. Maybe it was too soon.

“You what?” Bill asked, his voice distant, still astonished.

Dipper didn't want to say it again. He felt horribly embarrassed.

Maybe Bill didn't love him back.

He shrugged and tried to brush it off, looking away from Bill and on to the dying sunset. His face blushing to an unholy shade of red.

“You do?” Bill asked. As if he had heard the most unbelievable thing someone could possibly say.

Dipper looked back at the blond, whose eyes were still widened, pupils dilated. He was blushing slightly as well.

Dipper was at a loss of words. Apparently, Bill couldn't believe his ears. It was as if his mind echoed that _Dipper loved him. Nonsense! He couldn't possibly love him._

“Bill," Dipper managed to say, still embarrassed and blushing, but now he was smiling, “you truly are an idiot.”

Bill flashed him with the brightest smile he had ever seen, the happiness irradiating from him was stronger than the golden rays of the sun.

They hugged tightly, both smiling so hard their cheeks hurt. 

“I love you too.”

“ _Pine Tree,_ ” Bill's voice echoed again, “ _Come, on Pine Tree—_ “

"Move in with me," the blond's voice completed, breathlessly.

They had been making out, like most days, but today had been different. Dipper remembers they had cooked themselves a fancy dinner, which had been surprisingly great, and they had baked a cake… which was not as great. Or maybe it was delicious. That is if you enjoy eating ashes.

Dipper remembers he had been feeling absurdly happy that day, only to get that happiness to overflow by Bill's sudden statement.

“I'm serious,” Bill continued in between desperate kisses, “move in with me.”

Dipper pulled away, only enough for him to stare at Bill's eyes. He was trying to see if he could notice any type of mockery or if the statement had been coated with lust, which would be equally as bad. People don't mean everything they say when they're feeling lust, because they're thinking with something that is neither their brain nor their heart.

But this time, Dipper could only see pure honesty. Bill's eyes were looking at him in a way that made him realize how vulnerable it made Bill feel to be admitting how much he wanted Dipper. It may not have been so hard for other people, but Dipper knew Bill didn't tend to be very open about his feelings.

“Okay,” Dipper answered with a smile. And with that, the happiness that had flooded over him had quickly washed over Bill as well.

Dipper remembers they shared an"¦ intimate moment that night. It wasn't the first time, of course, but tonight had been different. Dipper cannot describe how, but it was as if he had only seen the ocean through pictures his entire life and now, he was looking at the ocean with his own eyes.

“ _Pine Tree, can you hear me?_ ” Bill's voice echoed.

“Can you hear me?” Bill had repeated. He was calling Dipper on the phone, but for some reason the reception was terrible.

Dipper remembers this had happened a month or two after he moved in. For the past few weeks, Bill had been leaving for _work_ every single night, not just once or twice a week. However, tonight was different. It was getting really late, and Dipper knew he should've been home by now. He was beginning to worry.

“Yeah, I can hear you,” Dipper spoke loudly to the phone, for the third time.

“Oh great,” Bill sighed in relief, “I was about to hang up.”

“Bill, is everything okay?” 

There was silence from the other end of the line. Concern only increasing. 

“I talked to my boss,” Bill said, distant. Dipper inhaled a deep breath.

Dipper had never liked Bill's job, he had told him many times. They talked about it, even if neither of them enjoyed touching the subject, it was a matter that had to be discussed. Bill didn't love it either, but it had gotten him out of many troubles; he owed most of his life to his job. However, he had been wanting to quit even before he met Dipper. Only that now, with Dipper in his life, his need to go had gotten stronger than ever. 

Dipper only cared about Bill's safety, so he always told him that as long as he was safe, he could keep doing his job carefully. But _thinking_ they were safe was not enough for Bill, because he knew better. His job was everything but. Bill knew that neither he nor Dipper would ever be truly safe if he kept working there, but he feared that quitting would only make it worse.

That's why he had kept his enemies closer.

But he was tired. He was done. He knew he would never be truly happy if he stayed. He knew that the only way that Dipper would be truly safe was if he ran the furthest away from Bill possible. But Dipper always denied.

“I don't think it went well, Pine Tree,” Bill said, sounding defeated, “I won't be coming home tonight.”

“What?” Dipper's concern turned to fright, “Why not? He can't just keep you there!”

“I promise I'll be fine,” Bill continued, trying to calm the other down, “I'm gonna have another _talk_ with him later. Then, I'll probably help him do some of his… business.”

Dipper wanted to know what he meant by business, but another part of him didn't even want to imagine what was going to happen. So much for sleep tonight, he thought.

“I'll be back tomorrow night—“

“— _Tomorrow night?!_ ”

“I have to go, sapling,” Bill said, “please be careful.”

Then Bill said something he hated to tell the other out loud, “Lock the doors and windows. You know where the gun is. I'll see you soon.”

And with that, the line went dead. Unfortunately, this had not been the first time Dipper had heard Bill ask him to lock everything and keep the gun by his side. It was sad to think that he knew the drill. However, this was the first time that Bill had come back home with his knuckles red and bruised, and a black eye. Which Dipper tried to mend.

Bitter days.

Dipper's memory shifted again. Something was shaking him.

"BRO BRO, IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING?!" Mabel had exclaimed loudly. She was shaking him, heavy grip on his shoulders

“I guess it is,” Dipper replied with a big, bright smile. He was wearing a white tux, and his sister was staring at him happily, wearing a nice sparkly purple dress.

“I honestly never thought you were going to get married before I did,” she laughed and stared at the huge oak doors that were closed before them.

“Makes two of us,” Dipper said, laughing as well. No matter how many bitter days had passed between him and Bill, those days were always outnumbered by sweet ones. And the fact that he now got to spend the rest of his life with the idiot that made him fall in love… He couldn't hope for anything better. Because now he gets to annoy Bill on a daily basis, and now it was official, like by the _law_.

He smiled at the thought.

“Aw, tell me again how he proposed,” Mabel asked, grabbing his arm and squeezing it tightly. 

Dipper had told her about a million times, but Mabel, being the sucker for happy endings she is, never got sick of the story.

The male twin rolled his eyes, "Mabel, we're literally about to walk down the aisle, don't you think right now isn't a good time?" Underneath his laugher with his sister, he was deadly nervous. He didn't know why, but he was almost shaking.

“Oh that is exactly why it's the _perfect_ time, Dip Dop," Mabel cheered, then begged with her puppy eyes.

And so Dipper told her for the millionth time, how they had been walking through the woods, just like old times, down the very same path they used to take. The day was sunny with a cool breeze, and they had been walking while the sun was shining its most golden color. Then, they passed the very same pine tree's branch Dipper had tripped over when he was eighteen. However, this time, Bill tripped over it.

Dipper had laughed hysterically because at first, he had thought that Bill had actually tripped over it and fallen to his knees. Dipper was doubling over with laughter, he almost couldn't breathe, he squeezed his eyes shut while laughing.

“You’re—“ he wheezed, “ _such_ an idiot, Bill,” and he continued to laugh so loudly he didn't notice Bill hadn't stood up and he was beaming at him with a large smile on his face.

When Dipper finally calmed down and opened his eyes to look down at Bill, he expected him to be annoyed because of his mockery, but he was actually on one knee, and with a beautiful silver ring on his hand.

“No,” Dipper gasped in disbelief before he could stop himself, “I mean, _yes_. No! No, wait, what are you doing? You're not— No, you're not. You just. Fell. And you found that ring on the floor. You're not—“

“I am,” Bill laughed.

“No,” Dipper repeated, then inhaled sharply, “I mean—“

“Dipper Pines,” Bill interrupted, earning another gasp, making Dipper shut up for once, “will you marry me?”

Mabel squealed in delight, “THAT WAS SO CUTE!” Then she calmed herself down a bit, noticing how red and embarrassed her brother looked, “Ugh, I love you guys so much. I knew you loved each other ever since you were little.”

Dipper rolled his eyes. 

He remembers the moment the oak doors swung open and he saw Bill dressed in his black tux for the first time. Dipper remembers perfectly the thrill he felt go down his spine and the summersaults at the pit of his stomach. At that moment he knew he was the luckiest man, and his days of happiness were only just beginning.

And he had been right. For the last three years, he had been the happiest he had ever been on his life.

“ _Pine Tree,_ ” Bill's voice echoed once more, but this time his voice felt closer, and somehow, more urgent. “ _Dipper, listen to me!_ ”

“No, _you_ listen to me!" Dipper had told him.

This argument had happened a few weeks before now. Bill had been arriving very late from work again, knuckles blood-shot red, and bruises on his arms. It had been _years_ since that had been happening.

“You know I don't have control over what tasks I'm given,” Bill said, trying to keep himself from snapping at the brunet, as he was washing his hands and wincing in pain.

“But you can't keep doing this!” Dipper exclaimed, indignant, “You can't let yourself be treated like a—“

“Like a what?!” Bill shouted, “Like a fucking hunting dog they love to keep on a leash?!"

"You're not a—"

"Well it sure feels like I am!" the blond continued to say, "Don't you think I know this isn't exactly a dream job?" He started to raise his voice, higher after every sentence. 

"Don't you think I know I shouldn't be treated like that? That I'm not afraid of what they will do to me if one day I don't oblige? Don't you think I wake up _every day_ with the fear that they will take you from me, just so that I keep doing their dirty business?!"

Dipper hadn't known what to do. He stared blankly at him.

He hadn't thought about that. He never once thought that his husband had been living with such fear for both of their lives. Sure, he knew Bill wanted to protect him at all costs and only wanted to ensure his safety. But he would've never guessed Bill woken up every morning thinking if today was going to be the day they used Dipper as leverage.

So Dipper hugged him. He hugged him so tightly, they could feel each other's bones.

"We could move to another country," Dipper offered, his voice was muffled because his face was buried in Bill's chest.

Bill smiled at the thought, then replied sadly, "They'll find me eventually."

"We'll make sure they don't," Dipper promised, and started to tell Bill about all they would get to do together after they moved out of that god-forsaken city, easing Bill's mood and making him feel less anxious.

Dipper remembers he told Bill about how nice their new apartment would be. How they would get a cute dog, and maybe even a cat. He said they would get that nice sofa Bill's been asking for ages, and maybe instead of an apartment, they could buy a house! Dipper had been saving a lot, and even if Bill's job had sucked more than anything, they did have quite a huge amount of savings.

Dipper also told Bill about how much research he had made about the safety of the neighborhoods of the country they wished to move in to, and about the police and investigation department. Dipper assured Bill that he could come clean to that state's police to help them target and imprison his boss and the entire business. There was a great chance he would earn immunity and protection. He could work as the good guy now!

Dipper loved to think about their future there, about how it could be.

He imagines them late at night, in their new home, drinking a nice cup of wine. He wonders how good Bill's lips would taste like there, where they could finally be truly happy and at peace; safe. Maybe they would be a little drunk, a little tipsy, certainly close to how Dipper was feeling now. But that would only make them more eager to devour each other, just like old times.

Lately, the couple had been forgetting about being as affectionate to each other as they had always been. It was mostly because of their daily uneasiness, working fast on arrangements to leave as unnoticed as possible. Packing everything important from their apartment, being careful about not telling anyone where they were going to go, not until they could ensure their protection. While Bill still went to work every night, Dipper spent the whole day packing and preparing everything for when they would leave. Bill, with his charming and deceiving personality, had been also working overtime so that his boss wouldn't suspect anything. It had all been going perfectly.

Although, it could've been more perfect if they could've been showing each other how much they were still in love. Sure, doing all of this madness together was already enough of a tell about how much they loved each other, and about how they would do whatever it took to ensure each other's safety. But Dipper thinks that a kiss or two wouldn't hurt.

Like that everlasting kiss, he imagines they would have on their new home, which would taste like wine and pure tenderness. Sometimes it would be fresh and slow, then other times it would be hot and desperate.

Much like it was happening now. Although, it isn't the taste of wine that's staining his mouth.

“ _Dipper, please,_ ” Bill pleaded urgently, his lips lightly brushing over Dipper's bloody ones as he talked. One of his hands was gripping Dipper's blood-soaked chest with all his might, the other was placed on the brunet's face shaking him lightly. “ _Please, look at me!_ ”

Bill kissed Dipper desperately and sloppily, trying to make the other react. As if that kiss could be an anchor to Dipper's life.

Dipper blinked. It took a few moments for him to realize what had happened. He was staring at Bill in confusion. The pain in his chest was hard to describe, but he guesses that he almost didn't feel his wound because of how bad it was. Such an unmeasurable amount of pain that even his brain had given up trying to make him feel it.

He closed his eyes a little, drifting to the pain on his chest.

“No, no, no!” Bill cried, rubbing his bloody thumb on Dipper's cheek. His face was close to Dipper's, he could feel the other's shaky breaths. “No, please, stay with me!”

Dipper finally focused on Bill's face. It was blood-stained, and tears were trickling down his cheeks. Bill began rocking forward and backward unconsciously, holding on to Dipper as tightly as he could. He kissed Dipper, leaving a metal taste to linger in his lips. 

It took Dipper another moment to remember what had happened a minute ago. He just remembers some flashes and glimpses. Someone coming into their apartment, interrupting their last dinner there.

“Never thought you were a coward, Cipher,” Dipper remembers the stranger saying.

“Don't worry,” the man had continued, as he raised his hands in surrender, “I just came to give you farewell.”

But, of course, Bill had known right there that was hardly why the man had come to their home. 

“Though,” the stranger had said, stepping closer to the couple. Bill immediately placed his hand on his side, where he kept his gun at all times. The man saw, but he merely smiled. He slowly reached to his side as well, the other hand still in the air. He took out his old-fashioned revolver pointing it upward in surrender. Then, he took off its cylinder, which was full, and removed one of the bullets carefully.

“I never let anyone leave without a souvenir,” he placed the bullet on the counter, then stepped away, waiting for Bill to grab it.

Still with his hand at his side, Bill walked over to the counter and took the bullet. He examined it with suspicion. Then noticed it had “ _Cipher’s_ ” carved in it. He looked at the man with a mixture of doubt and fear. He guessed the bullet had its victim's name on it.

“It's a representation of my mercy,” the man said, re-loading and spinning his revolver. The second those words left his mouth, Bill noticed that bellow his last name, another word was written.

_Cipher's Flaw._

BANG. 

It was too late.

“Dipper, stay with me, please,” Bill continued pleading, “help is on the way. Just hold on a little longer. It will be over soon.”

Dipper coughed blood. His mind had stopped racing. Bill was the only important thing right now.

“I'm sorry,” Bill was saying in shaky whispers, and began to repeat it without stopping, “I'm so sorry.”

“I'm okay,” Dipper replied in a low voice, even though Bill looked at him like he hated to break it to him, but he did not look fine. “Don’t—" Dipper coughed, “apologize.”

“It's all my fault,” Bill cried, hugging Dipper tighter, as if the tighter he hugged him the least likely Dipper’s life would slip away.

“It's not,” Dipper assured him with the kindest smile he could manage. The hardest part about knowing that he was about to die was the fact that he knew how much he would hurt Bill. “It's _my_ fault for falling in love with you.”

Bill managed a smile, laughing through his tears.

“Thank you for loving me,” Dipper began.

“No!” Bill's voice cracked, shaking Dipper once more, “You’re _not_ saying goodbye!”

“You have no idea how much I love you,” Dipper continued with a smile, reaching for Bill's face. The other leaned to the tender touch, furrowing his brows in pain. He bent to kiss Dipper once more, hard and urgent; a kiss they both wished could last a lifetime.

So, Yes. Dipper remembers the first time Bill made him laugh. It’s that very same warm feeling that is wrapping around him right now. A pained but bright smile filled his lips, only meant to be seen by the man he remembers to have fallen in love with.

“ _You can't go,_ ” Bill begged, his lips still close enough to Dipper’s. He shook Dipper desperately, more tears trickling down his cheeks as he looked at the other from a little further away. His voice cracked, “ _You can't leave me._ ”

Now Dipper just hopes Bill Cipher will remember him too.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt that inspired me:  
> \- "Dying kisses"
> 
> I'm deeply sorry. 
> 
> Can't believe my hand slipped and I ended up writing +6k words of this.  
> Am I proud? Yes. Am I happy? Absolutely not.
> 
> I hope this made you feel something. I'd never written anything angsty or devastating like this, much less attempted to make my readers cry. Even the flashback and flash-forward of the memories was an entire new thing for me. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading, though. Tell me about how this made you feel, etc. I love reading your thoughts about my stories :)


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